Hey everybody, how’s it going tonight? Good? Awesome! So, I’ve been thinking a lot about dissidence lately. You know, the art of going against the grain, challenging the status quo, and basically being a rebel with a cause. Or without a cause. Because, let’s be honest, sometimes rebellion is its own cause, right?

I mean, who here has ever disagreed with something just for the sake of it? Come on, raise your hands. Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. Dissidence is like the rebellious teenager of adulthood. It’s that little voice in your head saying: “Hey, why not take the road less travelled? It might have better snacks.”

I recently had this realisation that dissidence is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. And sometimes it gets so strong that you find yourself questioning everything. I questioned my morning coffee once. I asked it: “Are you really the best part of waking up, or is that just a catchy jingle?”

You ever notice how dissidence has its own soundtrack? Like, rebellion comes with its own playlist. The moment you decide to go against the flow, suddenly punk rock becomes your theme music. I once played Anarchy in the UK while doing my taxes. It didn’t make them more enjoyable, but at least I felt like a financial maverick.

Of course, with dissidence comes critics. People who just can’t handle you breaking the mould. I had someone tell me: “Why are you always going against the grain?”

I said: “Have you tried the other side of the bread? It’s pretty delicious.”

But hey, dissidence is not for everyone. It’s an acquired taste, like cilantro or political debates at Thanksgiving.

You know who the real rebels are? People who assemble furniture without reading the instructions. They’re out there, living on the edge, defying the laws of Swedish design. And let me tell you, that’s a rebellion I can get behind. Screw you, Allen key!

Speaking of defying expectations, did you hear about Mohammed bin Salman’s visit to the UK? They were so worried about him carrying a bone-saw that they installed metal detectors at Buckingham Palace. Turns out, the Queen wasn’t a fan of impromptu home improvements.

But hey, let’s not be too hard on them. Maybe they just wanted to make sure he wasn’t planning a surprise visit to the Tower of London gift shop.

And speaking of surprises, have you caught wind of the new Saudi Arabian cooking show? It’s called Dissident Chef. Contestants compete to make the most revolutionary dish without getting censored… The winner gets a lifetime supply of olive oil and a free subscription to Cooking in Exile magazine.

They say the secret ingredient is dissent, but good luck finding that in the spice aisle.

You know you’re in Saudi Arabia when the government hires GPS for its dissidents. “In 500 metres, make a U-turn to the nearest detention centre. Failure to comply may result in unexpected travel plans to a place with less Wi-Fi.”

I heard the Saudi government is introducing a new reality show. It’s called Dissidence Island. Contestants compete to see who can question authority the longest without disappearing. Spoiler alert: the winner gets a one-way ticket to Freedom Island – also known as exile.
In conclusion, let’s celebrate dissidence. Embrace your inner rebel, question the norms and remember that, sometimes, the best way to have the last laugh is by being the one who laughs first. Cheers to the misfits, the contrarians and the ones who refuse to colour inside the lines!

Thank you, everyone! You’ve been a fantastic crowd. And remember, if life gives you lemons, make dissident lemonade. Goodnight!